Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Shinobu's DeadJournal:

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Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
8:51 pm	What say you, Aging Hippie Liberal Douche? For once, the first day of spring was very appropriate with nice 70s weather. Rain aside, it looks like the warm weather will be sticking around this time... hopefully for good. o_o Though I fear the allergy season's already got a headstart because I've been finding it very difficult to breathe since yesterday, even if I'm not incredibly active. Oddly, cleaning the house is making it easier to breathe right now. Remarkable. Too bad I loathe and despise cleaning. XD Work loves to creep up the second I actually feel like doing my homework this week. T_T I had just finished one student's short story yesterday and about to start the other so I could get the reviews out of the way, and of course right at that moment, the print server went down and I'm flooded with calls of little more than "hay i cant print dawg!!1" that approximately take up the rest of my work time. T_T I was thinking today I could BS a reaction essay for Race/Gender/Mass Media within the last 30 minutes of work (work segues right into my classes), but naturally, one paragraph in, I get a lame, time-consuming call of a stupid problem I've never heard of before. Creative Writing is slowly turning into not-fun. Last week we went outside (quite nice then; warm winds and everything) and we had to make 50 observations of our surroundings in a timeframe of no more than half an hour. I didn't mind this terribly, though I only ended up having 30 by the time class was over (though I put a lot of thought into my observations, so I bet a lot of them could count for two observations). And then I'm told to combine all that and make a motherfucking poem out of it. For those who might not remember this factoid about me: .... I hate poetry. So so so so much. And I was reminded of why I felt that way on Tuesday when he had the entire class read theirs aloud (unfortunately, I was the only one who didn't do this assignment). The poems sound so incredibly faggy that it makes me want to hurl. Seriously. Stringing a few lengthy, flowery words together that often don't make any goddamn sense whatsoever, ending result being a little shitty paragraph of nonsense is not writing to me. I would not disgrace myself in writing poetry, much less reading that bullshit out loud. It's embarrassing. I'm always pretty downtrodden when I manage to find little things I hate that I end up making a big deal out of when it comes to the majors. I generally like Art, but couldn't bear to spend the better part of my college years being constantly judged by the instructors and being surrounded by stereotype-laden classmates, all the while learning the same BS I learned in high school and it generally having NOTHING to do with my major (the cost of art supplies didn't help either). I like English, but I abhor poetry and can't sit down and read a book anymore because I get so easily distracted, cannot write fiction on demand, don't care for the writing of other people, and do not want anyone's help in my own writing endeavors. I love computers, but I'm not willing to drag myself through math, my biggest weakness, in order to learn more about them. Math actually upsets me these days. If I stare at a problem I don't know how to figure out long enough, eventually I'll start bursting into tears. And seeing as I don't know how to figure out the majority of my math homework most of the time, that's one hell of a lot of crying for such a stupid reason. I love learning Spanish, but I hate talking to other people and I hate working with them even more, usually because I'm already lightyears ahead of them as far as comprehension and pronounciation goes. And naturally, there is group work constantly. I also hate going over the same shit I learned in high school twice over in college. There's absolutely no excuse for that. With an attitude like this, I really don't belong in college. I'm just too much of a picky, antisocial prick. Sad part is, I thought finishing with high school alive meant you proved you can coexist with others and that you don't need to do that anymore, since college is solely about you and your education. It's... nothing like I initially thought, I guess. Oop, now I've gone and depressed myself. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Donkey Kong 64 - Jungle Japes Underground (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
6:41 pm	Activate interlock! Dynotherms connected! Infracells up! Megathrusters are a go! LET'S GO VOLTRON FORCE!!1 Tell me, how sad is it that Voltron is the pinnacle of my television-watching experience these days? Even though it's old-ass, badly-dubbed anime, I still love the hell out of it. It seems anime is very similar to our American cartoons in the sense that the older series have a certain charm, a certain soul to them that I fail to see in many series of today. Which is weird considering the overall premise of Voltron is, uh, Sentai. But it still feels like a genuinely endearing series after all these years. Or maybe it's because it plays at 5:30 AM that my brain registers the show as such. XD But I've been catching all of the BEST episodes when I can watch it. Because my beliefs in Pidge being the awesomest character in the show has been reaffirmed, and as such, I've caught episodes that have some kind of focus on him. The episode where Pidge's home planet gets destroyed, the one where he gets kidnapped by a monster who pretends he's her child, and just the night before, one where he went total APE-SHIT on Lotor and Haggar and threatened them with an active grenade, totally willing to sacrifice himself if necessary. XD It was great fun watching that one, because after all these years, I still hate Lotor. So watching Pidge own him is all kinds of fantastic. It's hilarious seeing all of the dubbing antics, too. Like two episodes totally had the exact same ending, the obviously, obviously obviously covered-up deaths, and they even shoddily tried to pass off Lotor's mother AS Allura in one episode where Lotor dreamt about her. Because apparently Allura's physical similarities to his mom is why he's so madly obsessed over her. Which is just creepy and makes me want Lotor to die even more. Pisses me off, though, that AS only wants to show this at 5:30 AM but had NO PROBLEM showing PeeWee Herman at acceptable hours of the night. Normally this wouldn't faze me because I have my school schedule this semester oriented back towards the later half of the day, but now... I have a job. After all this goddamned time. Some kind of miracle. A Help Desk position at the Steely Library, meaning it's on campus, meaning I have a job ON campus, meaning less gas I have to waste on commute. *_* The schedule's perfectly wrapped around school, except that means I have to be in at 9 AM every day. ._. Monday is particularly hellish, but the rest of the week is quite bearable. I should have that typed out by next time. Because school starts for meeee... on Monday. And my birthday is a week from now. Hooyeah. Anyway, I just learned today it's a $7.00/hr deal and I'm working 25 hours a week (and no weekends, apparently), so while that isn't anything flashy, it'll be my second-highest salary out of the four jobs in my repitoire so far, so I'll gladly take it. @_@ Besides that, it's a job where I get to sit on my ass on a computer all day. I can't argue with that. I spent 4 1/2 hours there today going over some training and whatnot. Tomorrow will be more of the same. I'll need all the training I can get, because while I don't doubt my ability to pick this up and manage fine, I am pretty skittish due to my nerves and the other half of this job involves a hell of a lot of talking on the phone... and... I really, really hate talking on the phone. I'm like borderline phobic of the phone, it's that bad. So I have to find a way to get that out of my system so I don't suck at this convenient job. Somehow I'll have to get myself back into some kind of normal sleeping routine... between the Monticello visit and coming back, my sleeping until 4/5 PM is starting to become a motherfucking trend. Though appointments since yesterday may break me out of that before I need to worry too much of it. Went on some wild fanart-binging last night, and over the weekend I got around to making perfectly-organized folders for all of the Tales series. So now everything from Phantasia to Tempest (sans the spin-off stuff like the World or Narikiri Dungeon; because that's not important to me) is categorized by content and can conceivably be shared... though all collections still pale horribly compared to Symphonia's in quantity, they may yet be as developed! I have this horrible feeling, though, that Leon/Judas is going to piss me off the same way Kratos does. I may poll that soon, though. I'm sure all of you immensely care what I share next in the realms of PIRATED FANART. I also beat Yoshi's Island DS this week, though I haven't really gotten through all the levels. Not a bad little game at all, but good FUCKING god, is it me, or is it like, way harder than Yoshi's Island? It's not the same game at all, and of course I expected some challenge, but some of the levels were truly... GRATING. After I beat the game, I foolishly played the first Secret Level of World 5 (the last world), thinking it was the Secret Level of World 1. I had over 100 lives when I started playing that level. I had about... a little over 30 lives left when I was finally able to beat it. @_@ I don't care what kind of challenge-mongerers are out there; over 70 lives for one level is just sick. It's not that I suck at playing, either. They purposely stunted Yoshi's flutter-jump in this game and that made so many things harder to do. It's a good thing I was hiddeously stubborn when it came to that level, though. I thought about quitting NUMEROUS times. Many other creative things in mind... but my stomach hurts and so does my back. So I will resume being lazy for the moment. Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 18th, 2006
6:31 pm	Autopilot on, autopilot off! Yum... cheap Christmas cookies... I'm totally feeling the spirit of the season now. XD Was getting some basic things at K-Mart just an hour ago (insulating plastic for the windows @_@), juuuust marvelin' at the Christmas atmosphere in that quiet-as-hell store. And then I realized something as I searched fruitlessly for like over half an hour to find the fucking plastic (I found it eventually - without ANYONE'S help, hahaha!): they always have those freaking sets of meat/sausage and cheese for Christmas and I've never ever gotten to have one despite the fact that they look awesomely delicious. And since I've grown into a bit of a meat/cheese coinesseour (if that's even spelled right, I don't know), I decided that I absolutely must have a set or two of those things. So if ANYONE AT ALL feels compelled to give me some kind of Christmas present (though I can't see why because I'm not exactly planning to do presents myself this year - I lack a) the money to do it and b) the inspiration/drive to simply write/draw presents for all of my friends T_T), get me a sausage/cheese set. They were only like 10 bucks at K-Mart anyway, and they just looked fabulous. So yeah. *_* I'd be most grateful. Maybe having fancy food like that will inspire me to make presents. XD Fortunate stroke of luck while I was at K-Mart, too. The dude who rung me up was actually a fellow resident of the condo complex I reside in, and he gave me a little inside info that a job in the store isn't a bad snag. Part-time, $7.50 an hour, and he assured they would certainly call me back AND interview me within a day or two of applying... and that sounds about as good as everything else I've tried for lately. So when I come back from Thanksgiving break, I'll see about giving that a shot... and maybe by Christmas I might actually have some money to my name~ ... Yeah, I know getting a job around this time of year will pretty much erase all my good sentiments of this holiday season, but for now I'll just bask in it. XD I might as well, since I think this is about the third or fourth straight day of cold, gray, and gloomy weather we've had this week. Shit, it might even snow tomorrow night. And haaay, yanno what... writing Jade/Anise is actually pretty fun. ♥ Already 7 pages in it and just now getting into steamy stuff (I kinda decided that a snarky pairing such as Jade/Anise should not be neutered of the snark just for the sake of the smut XD). It was worth it to have a rare instance of Anise pulling a fast one on Jade, anyway. Mwahahaha~ threw in Jade/Peony references and everything too. Oooo loli. I am terrible. Good times, good times. Current Mood: hungry Current Music: Tales of Symphonia - A Snow Light (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
5:54 pm	Bah gawd! Barbeque sauce! Big Red Monster! Boomer Sooners! I'm already feeling the withdrawl of Smackdown vs Raw 2007. XD; SO MANY THINGS LEFT UNDONE. hibari MUST BRING TONIGHT. (but really i wanna change the controls back to the d-pad) But we already enjoyed countless mind-scarring images for the first play. We'll just say Triple H is TRAUMATIZING with Candice Michelle's intro movements (he waves around a wand, too!!), while Shelton is VERY fitting with them (dance Shelton dance! ♥)... kinda like how Hulk Hogan looked almost in-character when doing Christy Hemme's intro. I really hope my cousins have this game by the time I come visit. Eric and I need to do another redux of the gWo - you know, the GAY WORLD ORDER. Remembering that, while Shelton's Candice moves were very fitting, it seemed massively out-of-character for him still. XD (Shelton just retained his nice booty in the game to shake around -- most everyone else got their ass neutered) Buuuut... put Randy Orton in Melina's intro + moves, and it's still fucking in-character for him. It's CRAZY. In the same vein, ditto for Rob Van Dam with Mickie James' intro + moves. I kinda wanna do Booker T in Candice's moves because him having the wand will at least bear some semblance to the scepter he has now as King Bookah. XD Too bad Big Show in Lita's moves won't be as fun/mind-scarring as it was in the last game since Lita slutted up her intro. I swear, just messing with the Superstars' entrances is like a hidden gem in itself. XD Well worth making it worth buying the damn game, IMO. Annnyway, yesterday was my consultation with the eye people regarding my impending Lasik surgery sometime next year... I guess I really do have a place about memorized when I finally learn where to go, because I got there with absolutely no problem at all this time. Ended up being over an hour early, too, so I had the luxury of stopping to get something to eat... though food didn't agree with me at all then, and it still doesn't now. o_o; But! The doctor said I would have an 80% chance in coming out with perfect 20/20 vision. The other 20% doesn't necessarily mean I'll go blind... I'd just have slightly less-than-perfect vision, but I was assured the odds were in my favor for me being able to go through the better part of my life without any kind of corrective eye care. XD I like the sound of that. Some sucky pre-requirements beforehand... a month before the operation, I won't be allowed to wear my contacts. So after like 8 fucking years, I'll have to go fucking buy glasses again and actually wear them. ;_; That's... that's so much hate. I have to get this done before I turn 22 ~ so the operation happening around between this coming spring to summer is about a definite. After the consultation, I tried finding my way out of Florence again~ somehow I ended up at freaking Crestview Hills, right where the strip mall was. XD; I thought it was a sign because I had meant to come there at some point to troll through the stores and dig out applications. Well, most of the wanted ads were in clothing stores, which I think I need to stay away from because a) I know jack shit about clothes, and b) I'd be a hypocrite to talk about clothes to customers when I have no fashion sense myself. ^^; But they were still hiring at Bath & Body Works, so I snagged an application there (still need to fill it out) and applied at Borders online while I was there. I read the next Sonic comic while I was there too. XD; It seemed less sucky than usual when I browse through them — Tommy Turtle seems to have turned evil now (good, maybe he can finally DIE this time) and kidnapped Tails and Shadow to be part of some EVIL PLAN which seems intriguing because it needs Tails. The side-story was a very poorly-drawn but emotionally-written Bunnie/Antoine reconciliation story that ultimately ends with Antoine's dad dying, which was really quite sad. T_T Really makes me wish King Max would die soon. Ant's dad seemed like a fairly cool guy... Anyway, if Archie is steady about improving, then I just might buy their damn comics again. I flipped through their Sonic X issue that was on the rack as well - it seems unfair that Sonic X is getting the better cover art and overall comic art (still nowhere near as good as it used to be with Archie, though), but the story was just... meh. It was mostly Chris and Cream. @_@ I'm sure you can imagine how amazingly in-depth and grabbing the story was with those characters involved. Last new South Park of the season tonight ~ of course it's a Stan-centric episode ♥ The sooner I get my writing bug back, the better, because my lack of will to write is totally making me fail English, and I'm just completely appalled at myself for letting me fail something so simple as English. -_-; Especially when I had started out so strong. So I'm failing that... I'm failing Math (it's like limbo - seeing how low my grade can go!), I'm probably failing World Cultures since I've done zero homework and consistently make Ds and Fs on the tests, and my grade in Spanish has taken a huge nosedive because of my not turning in homework, not doing the Midterm project, and being a lazy ass about the workbook assignments (which I usually turned in but rarely completed; this time I just couldn't do it, PERIOD...). So much that my teacher's told me NOT to take the next class because she doesn't think I can handle it. WTF. -_- It's not because I can't handle it. It's because I'm burned out beyond all reason and I was unfortunate enough to be stuck in a situation I can't save myself from. The fact that Spanish this year seriously is nothing I haven't covered before isn't really all that inspiring. The only class that's really "difficult" in any sense of the word is Math. The others, they would be a cakewalk if I could get out of my rut. But it's already too late for most cases, I think. I just bought myself a one-way ticket back to academic probation. -_-; Yeah, that'll make my living situation all the easier. As long as I'm without a job, I just feel stuck in this mental funk that tells me I'm worthless and that getting an education is worthless since I can't even secure a simple job on my own, much less a higher-up job that would require a degree for consideration. Whatever, right? I've already said most of this before here. I'd be a broken record to proceed. If hell froze and I was actually hired, it might turn me around for some cases, but not all of them. Math, I've already pretty much accepted my defeat there. World Cultures... not really feeling any real beacon of hope there either. But at least getting my will to write back will possibly save my ass from under the fire in English if I press hard enough, and it should help at least a little bit with Spanish. So this weekend I think I will try writing - starting with stuff *I* want to do first so I can get that sense of, y'know, enjoying writing so I won't feel like I'm torturing myself by starting out with an assignment. That'll just drive me away again. @_@ Man-oh-man. Whatever am I gonna do about Zelda... I really shouldn't waste half of the remainings of my checking account on it, especially when I don't expect to be seeing a Wii anytime soon. ._. And I still have it preordered... hooboy. At least a week from now will be when I get to leave this dreadful place for a handful of days. *_* Current Mood: drained Current Music: Peter Gabriel - Big Time (Comment on this)
Friday, November 10th, 2006
6:16 pm	@_@ No more, guys. Please... Man oh man. If hell froze over and I did manage to snag a job, I'm really gonna have to be careful where I get it. I just got reminded of that today, as I was set to go to Florence earlier this afternoon for a consultation about laser surgery... on my EYES, oh snap! They've always said I would be a good candidate for it, and I'm totally up for not having to rely on contacts anymore. And now that my mom's discovered that her insurance gives her a huge discount on the procedure, she wants to hurry and get it done before I go off her insurance when I turn 22. X_x Florence is about 20-25 minutes south of me. I've only driven there a few times, and all those times I had someone with or near me giving me constant directions. My mom told me to Mapquest it. I did, like an idiot, and got directions that told me right off to go north, into Cincinnati, and swing around, hit a bridge back into Kentucky and head to Florence that way... the time taken to cross from state to state would take probably like five minutes at most. It sounded like a dumb idea when I first saw it. I should've listened to my intuition and just started down south. 'Cause I got lost in Ohio for about half an hour... again. @_@; At least it wasn't in the city, though being in the middle of nowhere with these giant factories on each side of you didn't make it any clearer to me where I was. I just kept going down and down and down River Road until I finally got brave enough to turn around. ... I *did* spot a Fenimore Drive through my escapades, though. XD If I wasn't a nervous wreck at the time, I would've taken a picture. I managed to get back on the right track somehow and made it to Florence. The fun didn't end there since my constant second-guessing of my integrity caused me to head into the wrong exits, thinking I passed the one I was supposed to go through when in fact it was just up ahead. @_@ I got honked at twice and actually rear-ended somebody for the first time, though there wasn't any damage since it was just a tap, so the ladies were cool and let it slide. Aaahaha... didn't help that the period started right</b> before I left, too. It's quite the deceptive cycle this month; two false starts and I could sense it coming for at least a week and a half now. So yeah, I started off at about 2:15, thinking that was enough time to get there before 3:05. ... after all that mess, it was about 3:25 when I finally made it to the office. T_T And the best thing of all? The fucking consultation wasn't even today. My mom harped and harped on me about preparing for it on Friday Friday Friday... and it's on Tuesday. How can you make that kind of mistake? O_O Anyway... at least I know how to get there now, kinda. Usually once I finally learn my way, I've got it down pat. It's just... times like this really make me miss the simplicity of Monticello. No one ever has trouble finding anything there. And the traffic... oh-so tame. So when I headed home from Florence, I spent another 20 minutes being lost in Union. ^^; And came damn close to accidentally crossing another bridge into Cincinnati... luckily I caught it in time and ducked out into a Covington exit... then pretty much drove a solid, straight line home. And that's my Friday so far. Nerves... SHATTERED. Aaaanyway, I keep putting this off, but Cyber Sunday was a lot of fun to attend, even if people are saying it was a godawful PPV overall. Makes a lot of difference when you're there live. XD Crap's a lot less noticeable when you're screaming your head off. Though I did have a nice time partaking in the chanting of "BORING!" during the Carlito/Hardy match, since a) it was boring (Carlito's starting to take on Randyisms where he does those restholds that last forever on his opponent when he's run out of shit to do), and b) I wanted to see Shelton instead, obviously. Good thing I prepared for this inevitability with the ingenius "Where the F is SHELTON?!" sign. XD My friends and I kinda 'tarded out on some sign ideas~ others I made were "Carlito is a TERD" (omg I misspelled on purpose!!1) because I knew he'd get chosen for the IC title match, and "IT IS!" (for DX). hibari and saphofelis had some bigger sights, with the sparkling Jeff Hardy rainbow sign, the Big Show sign lettered in feather boa (that Show himself acknowledged and waved at us for~), Rated R for RAY OF SUNSHINE (...), and my personal favorite, "RANDY U SUK!!1". XD Halfway into the show I was starting to lose strength, however, since all I had that day was a bowl and a half of soup broth, and.... Coke. Day before the colonoscopy and all. @_@ I got myself a second wind but I was very tired and nauseous (from the fucking magnesium citrate) and cranky and sore and PMSy, so I've been outright miserable for the past few days. The colonoscopy itself was fine. I wasn't worried (since I've been knocked out to have eight teeth removed from my mouth not two years ago, being knocked out to have something stuck up my ass was just small potatoes), though my mom was flipping out. I turned out to be pretty damned healthy, but my mom had four polyps, all of which were removed. They weren't cancerous or malignant or anything, which was a relief. At least that's out of the way now. I still have more I could talk about, but I tire of writing already, yes. Current Mood: glad to be ALIVE Current Music: Tales of the Abyss - Desert Oasis (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 1st, 2006
3:44 am	Man, people need to get off my case for the next couple of months. @_@ Or years. Whenever I finally get a job. I'm applying to a variety of places again, but I'm still not in very high hopes. Still, random internet people are like, totally freaking jumping on me this week. Some anonymous fag-spammer on my GJ is saying ridiculously heinous things about my Tales of Legendia preferences (and I deleted the comments because they're just embarrasing content-wise, which almost makes SENSE why the person chose anonimity - anyone who claims that Shirley Fennes is better than real people, I mean COME ON.... XD), some weirdo on DeviantArt proclaiming their hatred for me yet still comments on my Bobobo pictures and brings up the fact that he/she hates me on comments in OTHER PEOPLE'S art... O_o People whining about lack of cut tags here on LJ... you know. Apart, they're minor annoyances, but when it piles up together like this, you just start kinda want everyone to STFU and leave you alone. Sososososo sad I am. ._. Sad, sad, sad... Even sadder that I know have homework lying next to me that I could do, but I just don't care anymore... even though I'm putting tens of thousands of dollars into a college education... my apathy just questions the point of everything nowadays. ._. I deserve to be thrown out, really. The way my brain works, I don't honestly deserve a roof over my head and food every day. I should just be thrown out to the streets so I'll perish alone, cold, and worthless as I would be if I just died with a normal life. It's not like the world is going to work in my favor anytime soon, and I've been wired from the start to not function if my desires are not satisfied. So why bother trying to pretend I'm capable of being anything different? I'm not sure what's causing these awfully morbid thoughts, though. I think it's a little too early to blame PMS this time. Lexapro might be backfiring on me, but I've been feeling down like this long before I started taking it. Just feels like genuine defeatist depression to me. Eh. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Final Fantasy VII - Parochial Town (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 22nd, 2006
11:55 pm	J... B... L! J.. B.. L! J. B. L! JBL! JBL! Whoa. So, um. @_@ Had an outside adventure tonight. Kinda went like this: - It was 7:30. I turned on the TV and noticed Smackdown was back on its normal time on the normal channel. I called Danielle to tell her, and she invited me over so we could watch it for the first time since forever (it's been pre-empted the last few weeks, and before then it got inexplicably moved to 2 - 4 AM, meaning we hardly could watch it together). I went over and Danielle suddenly couldn't get the channel anymore. So... - Danielle, Mary and I went to watch it at my house. We were already running late, so Mary drove us all in her car to save time. So my car was still at Danielle's. XD; - We watched wrestling, and since Mary has to work early in the morning, we decided to separate early tonight. Mary proceeded to drive us back to Danielle's. - It's been downpouring for a few hours straight, thunder and lightning and all things batshit going on. I was hoping it would've died by the time we went out, but it was still full-force going. Less than a couple of minutes away from Danielle's house, we drove over a gigantic-ass puddle with at least 6 inches of water and Mary's car stalled right in the middle of it. Wouldn't start for jack shit. - We all got out of the car, had to trek through the puddle of DOOM to look and get a handle of the situation. No matter what Mary did, the car remained dead. Danielle and I remained outside, getting soaked as Mary went to a nearby house for help in getting the car pushed out of the water. While we waited, BIGASS lighting struck a tree somewhere near the area with a sickeningly loud crack, and that scared me and Danielle a great deal. XD We huddled in fear and eventually retreated to a covered rest area (we happened to be in front of Rossford Park) until Mary came back with some help. Danielle called her dad to pick us up, but it all took at least 10 minutes before Danielle's dad arrived. Rain was coming down hard on us the entire time. @_@ - I wondered what I was going to do with my car. There were only a few ways for me to get back home from Danielle's, and the safest way was now flooded over. So Danielle's dad just drove Mary and I home himself; retrieving our cars will have to wait until tomorrow, apparently. X_x Though it'll still be raining and storming then. What a mess, though. I feel bad for saphofelis; she has to be in at 8 AM tomorrow to work and now her car's dead. ._. It was kind of exciting in an overtly frustrating way, though. All of us were soaked from head to toe. I had just taken a shower earlier and changed into fresh clothes... at least I get to enjoy the advantage of having a warm room; I'm nice and comfy now. ... Still with very wet hair, though. Glad this happened when I was with people, though. This would be scary shit to deal with alone. And I even consciously decided not to bring my cell phone with me because I thought this would be a short and simple trip. @_@ Goddamn. I'm gonna have to be more careful now. Current Mood: wet! Current Music: TLC - Waterfalls (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 16th, 2006
12:57 am	NINTENDO SIXTY-FOOOOOUUURR!! It's not quite official yet, but it's mostly waiting for the Supreme Court to recognize it within the next few months.... buuuut, it seems it's totally for realz now. My dad, despite having been convicted of a felony in the past, regained his bar liscense and can become a lawyer again~! He's in high spirits now and I'm really happy for him; I just really hope he's as willing to help as he says he is. He doesn't really want to wait until Christmas time to see me again, so he's going to try opening up his calendar for October 16th and 17th and the weekend before those days, since I have Fall Break then. I wouldn't mind a visit myself. It's only been June since I was last in Monticello, and already I feel this undying urge to get away from the hellhole that is the northern Kentucky area. @_@ That's a bit of good news, considering I've somehow hit this huge wave of depression and now I'm pretty down about everything. I still can't get myself properly focused into school and the homework's become a chore, though most of it isn't dauntingly difficult (except the math, of course). I suspect a lot of this has to do with my steady failure in getting a job; even when I'm told not to, I almost always take it personally when someone else manages to take the job over me. ._.; Therefore it effectively kills my self-esteem. Lack of self-esteem brings on self-hatred, and then I can't think to pride myself on anything else I do because I can't fucking land a job to save my life. -_- I even brought out all the guns for the WNKU job; resume, letter of reccommendation, and my mom knew someone who had connections within the radio station to put in a good word for me, and that couldn't even secure it. Shit like that was the only reason I had my previous jobs in the first place. @_@ I wish I knew what I was doing wrong. It always seems that "more experienced" people are the ones who beat me out of this crap, though anyone who would be ought to be a freak of nature by definition. ._. I'm like as good as you can get while still being a human being. Since when could beggars be choosers, anyway? I would break down and opt for the vocational rehab center to look into definite job placement and FREE MONEY, but I've been slung through the mud trying to reach anyone there by phone and even trying to find the damn place. X_x; It seriously feels like nothing's been going right for me. Can't find a job, can't get myself to care about school, and I'm feeling little to no joy indulging in my hobbies. That's the unfortunate thing about fall. It's my favorite season, but somehow, something like this always depresses me right around that time and I'm so caught up in my own BS that I can't enjoy the good weather while it's actually here. ._.; Though starting Tuesday, it's actually supposed to get kinda cold. Like down to 40 overnight. WTF? I'm already resorting to light sweaters and long-sleeved shirts and double-layered pants since my morning classes are a little on the chilly side outdoors, and indoors the rooms are still sub-zero. God, what a mistake it was to have morning classes. @_@ It's been a while since I've so consistently felt like shit. Too bad it's too late to do anything about it... Current Mood: relieved Current Music: John Cena - Bad, Bad Man (Comment on this)
Friday, September 8th, 2006
2:10 pm	Hey! Listen! Look! Watch Out! Hello! Had two interviews yesterday. One was pretty impromptu and therefore I wasn't completely prepared, but overall it seemed to have gone well. It's a secretary position at WNKU (which is the college's radio station), and she was nice enough to let me drop off my resume and reccommendation letter today, so I have those backing me up and I should (hopefully) hear back by Monday. Though jobs seem to be notoriously bad at getting back to me; the other job is data-entry from some lone dude running his own company. He didn't come to the interview prepared so he was set to send us the material to get me and the other potential employee used to what the tasks are like. He said he might even hire both of us, and I sure wouldn't mind that. Anyway, the material never came. I got an email this morning (though couldn't read it until after my classes) saying to call him. He explained the situation to me (basically the starter kit was too big in MB-size to send via email) but was driving on the highway and said he'd call me back. That was around 11ish and.... he still hasn't called back. I don't want to call him again knowing he's on the road and to Lexington, so there's not much he'll be able to do until he gets back. So I guess I'll just have to wait for another email. Yesterday was a back-and-forth wild day because of that. While I was in the area, I stopped in at Gamestop to pre-order Tales of the Abyss finally~ which according to their computers, is due out October 11th. About a month from now... o_o And apparently its price will be around 40 bucks, which is like 10 bucks less than that Symphonia and Legendia retailed for on their launch day if I'm not mistaken~ Oh man, though. I had to ask the guys how their customers reacted upon being told the price of the PS3, and yes, it was the expected reaction: collective brick-shitting. I was shocked a bit too, as I was under the impression that PS3 games would be $60... apparently they're really going to be like $80 or even $90. It only further pleases me that absolutely no PS3 games entice me, because I can't imagine what turmoil the Sony fanboys who AREN'T stinking rich are feeling. XD Even then, financial security aside, only a million PS3s will be available at launch, meaning Christmas joykilling and holiday homicide for all! I'm finding it increasingly hard to stay interested in school this time around. English is very blah, Spanish is very blah, Math goes over my head, frightens, and confuses me as per usual, and World Cultures is mildly interesting but kinda dies off as class time wears on. I don't know why exactly I feel such apathy towards it this semester... maybe it's the fact that it all occurs in the morning where I'd rather do nothing but sleep regardless of how many hours I had beforehand, or maybe this relentless and largely unsuccessful job hunt is wearing me down to the point where I don't even believe in myself anymore. It might factor into why my own creativity stagnates when it comes to pictures/fanfics/icons, and even when I make something, I feel largely uninspired. Like I'm only doing something for the sake of doing it. It's a bad feeling to have, but I'm beginning to think a good job is the only thing that'll get me to feel good about anything again. ._. When it cuts into my free-time activities, there might be a problem. My dad supposedly has his bar liscense back... or something like that. I'm not sure; I only heard his hearing went "very well" and my mother describes his attitude as valiant and cocky as he ever normally was back in the old days. That makes me really happy for him, I just hope that he lives up to his promises and doesn't go down the dark path again. I'd like for all our lives to start getting easier and less-depressing now... and hopefully one day I won't have to be ashamed of my dad and even more ashamed for being just like him in personality. o_o Nicole's already running into marriage issues, more from in-laws than the husband directly, but it all smells of a sticky situation. Well, I would tell her I told her so, except I couldn't under the circumstances, but mentally I was projecting it SO HARD. And so were other people at the wedding, apparently... Spent most of yesterday gazing at Legend of Zelda clips, specifically Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time. I always question why I heart these games so, to the point where I go back and replay them more than any of my other old games... Then I remember, oh. These games kicked ass. AND they're full of fun glitches to exploit. XD That's why! Current Music: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Goron City (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 3rd, 2006
2:40 am	There's no fooling around with deers~ My dad's been kinda vague about how his court hearing has been going, but he at least said it was going "very well"... which is a little uplifting. I hope the best for him, honestly, because getting his bar liscence back will be very beneficial to everyone. The odds are totally against him since he's been convicted, but if a miracle indeed happens, maybe life will finally start getting easier for us again! I guess, despite coming from a very divorced family, I'm really lucky to still have both parents. Even if I can't connect with either of them to save my life and one's only kinda-sorta in my life, I still have them. I have a really annoying upper-chest pain going on right now and I'm not sure what's causing it. @_@ It lessens when I slouch/lay down; part of me thinks my weight might just be trying to crush me a little. I weighed myself at 152 today — I usually don't get that heavy. It's been kind of a crappy week for me... the second week of school and I'm already feeling like I'm falling apart in my homework. I'm still getting rejected/ignored from every job I apply to, which just adds on the pressure. My self-esteem is getting ridiculously low at this point, getting to the point where I worry every day about what's wrong with me. A lot of it could be blamed on the menstural cycle, I guess, but my being unable to land the kind of job I'm qualified for is really starting to bug me. It bugs me more that despite my abilities, I couldn't possibly handle a low-level retail/customer service/fast food job that would take me in a heartbeat since those places are fucking black holes. @_@ If the cashier Kroger job could make me cry by the second day WITHOUT having school to worry about, I really fear what a similar job would do to me while having school. I need something quiet. I need something focused on my actual skills. I need something that's not going to emotionally wear me out every single day. Is that just too much to ask for? It's also been uncommonly mild, weather-wise. O_O It's been like, mostly 50s-low 70s for the past few days now. Very strange. August is usually one of the most hellacious months. I've already resorted to wearing long-sleeved shirts and strechy pants rather than a t-shirt and stretchy shorts. @_@ Only a matter of time before it turns into sweatshirts and sweatpants, and then layered stretchy pants under sweatpants and robe-wearing and awwwgh... So unhappy... I hate this feeling a lot. But good things need to actually happen so I can overcome this. Am I really so expendable...? Maybe I do have some serious disorders. Not that it surprises me. As much as I've been through, I can't expect to get to this point unscathed. I just wish I wasn't impaired in an aspect that determines whether or not I get jobs. -_-; Believing it only makes things worse. Current Mood: grumpy Current Music: Sailor Moon Sailor Stars - A Galaxy of Differences (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 27th, 2006
5:26 pm	Trim trim cut trim trim (YEAH!) Dye dye snip snip dye! Well, now Limewire's being sued and apparently they've released everyone's IP addresses, so I figured, well, I'd best get rid of it. @_@ So there goes that. Alternative suggestions are appreciated! Like the music industry wasn't already corrupt before filesharing. It's poetic justice for all of the decades they spent snatching up our money for forcing us to buy full albums that had like one or two good songs on them. XD; Outside of that, most of the stuff I download is either stuff that requires importing or are my attempts to re-find my childhood through music. Because back when I was young and music was really fun, I never bothered to know who did the music or even what the name of the songs were. So all I've got to go by is how I remembered they sounded like. Downloading by trial-and-error is much better than just buying a bunch of fucking albums, I think. XD; I'm not made of money enough to do that. I'm really starting to get concerned with my school books. I've ordered most of them on Tuesday/Wednesday and only two have come in, one of which is more a reading book than a text book. @_@ I chose expedited mailing for most of my stuff so it'd like, get here QUICKLY and that's why I'm getting a bit worried. I have homework due as soon as tomorrow and I still lack a Math book, a Spanish book, and two World Culture books. X____x Whyyyy me? Happy birthday to my daddy, who is... 47 today. @_@ And speaking of 47, 47ness should look forward to something in the mail around 3 PM tomorrow... XD Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Parappa the Rapper - Love Together (Comment on this)
Monday, August 21st, 2006
3:54 pm	UNIVERSE? YOU ARE MY CENTER. Ugh, I knew it. When I lost my cell phone earlier this morning, I knew somehow it would be the first in a string of bad things happening to me today. But I apparently had misplaced it and my mother had this crazy idea that I had somehow lost it on the hill outside of the complex since I trekked up it yesterday. I thought that was an idiotic thing to think since the phone was in my pocket the whole time and surely I would have noticed something like a cell phone get out of the tight confines of my jeans and hear it smack on the ground. But no, my mom wasted time to go outside and look for it anyway. And of course, she didn't find anything. I didn't have time to look since I had school to prepare for. Had there not been an issue of TRAFFIC and PARKING, I most definitely would've gotten there on time. But even though this is my fifth semester of college, this is my first semeter actually driving. So it was fun to figure that out as I ended up being 5/10 minutes late for my first class. I don't think it was too consequential since Ibarra didn't seem to mind (tis Spanish class!). I made up for it by answering questions and whatnot, and using as much Spanish as my hibernation-ridden memory could think of. Right after that was World Cultures, where again I seemed to gain some favor in Hopkins by asking a very intuitive question related to polygamy. The only bad thing about the class so far is that I need five books total for it, and I have a reading assignment for Wednesday already, so I may not be able to resort to cheapass methods + a week's wait for some books there. @_@ I already tire of watching the class availability chart like a hawk, so I may just suck it up and stick with the schedule I have picked now. Which is~ [ MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY ] 9:00 AM ~ 9:50 AM: Intermediate Spanish I (SPI 201) // Melissa Ibarra // FH 136 (10 minutes later...) 10:00 AM ~ 10:50 AM: World Cultures (ANT 201) // MaryCarol Hopkins // LA 201 [ TUESDAY, THURSDAY ] 10:50 AM ~ 12:05 PM: Advanced College Writing (ENG 291) // Joseph Bates // FH 525 (10 minutes later...) 12:15 PM ~ 1:30 PM: Algebra for College Students (MAT 109) // Patricia Connelly // ST 247 Which, by all means, isn't necessarily a terrible schedule other than the fact that it's oriented in the morning. Outside of Math, I'm entirely immersed in Sophomore-level classes this time around, which is just lovely considering I'm borderlining Junior status right now. XD; Anyway, I have to spend some time looking into some of these books so I won't have issues like last semester where I had to wait FOREVER for some of those books and miss out on assignments in the process. I might possibly consider doing a placement test to see if I'm actually worthy of being in a higher level of Spanish. Considering I made it through all of my Spanish classes so far with bright, gleaming A's despite not consistently studying the language after high school (or between semester breaks, even), I'm thinking maybe I should be more confident with trying out for more advanced classes. I chickened out of Advanced English when I first got into college since I didn't know what exactly that would entail, but with some experience under my belt now, I feel more comfortable taking a risk here and there. I will probably pick a major this semester. I probably have to anyway, since I'll be a junior by the beginning of next year if all goes well this semester. By now I've gotten it narrowed down to English, Spanish, and Radio/TV. Possibly Anthropology if I really end up digging this World Cultures class. Not in any specific way in terms of Major/Minor, except sometimes I fear if I'll be stuck in a position where I can't do anything with an English major, but I definitely want to have Spanish on there in some form or way. I've hardly had any Radio/TV class experience, but I really want to. I pass by their department all the time while heading to class... and it actually looks like FUN. @_@ Lots of things to consider, indeed. At some point I'll have to bite the bullet and take Speech again (which I took over a year ago, and informally dropped it because not only was it a brutal course that gave me nothing higher than a D despite my efforts, it was something I needed to ditch to survive the rest of my 9 AM - 9 PM hellhole schedule). But as I age I'm socially feeling a little more comfortable than I did back then, and job experience might factor in too. But I've gotten off-track a bit. Because there's a part 2 to today's events. So, driving to college was a new, unhappy and uncomfortable experience. Sure. But at least the car was running fine. WAS running fine. After checking out a few places on campus for job openings/opportunities and indulging in some free pizza, I went back to the car to ultimately head home for the day. Since the spots were filling up so quickly thanks to the construction killing off two or three lots, they were hard to come by and ultimately, I had to park in the parking garage. I'd never been in there before because neither Mary or Danielle ever used them while I commuted to school with them. XD; I managed to find a place at the top level. So I put in my keys and turn on the ignition, annnnnddd.... nothing. And I was like Oh HELL no not this bullshit AGAIN. Because, you know, this was what my car was doing all throughout the winter and spring that caused so much delay with my driving lessons! All summer long it worked just fine after fixing it, so... this was like NO. No no no no no. Fucking no. To make matters worse, I didn't have my cell phone with me since it was STILL missing at the time. So after fretting and kicking at my car some to show my displeasure of it, I walked allllll the way back over to campus and explained my situation to the lady at the Information Booth. She was gracious enough to let me use the office phone. So the first person I called was my mother. Bad idea, as she flipped out, told me to do this and that even if it didn't make sense, and she was in Somerset at the time. @_@ 3 hours south from me. My next notion was to dial the apparent service the college has for assistance in my type of situation; it was actually a big relief to hear that such a thing existed. The bad part was that it didn't occur to me to look and see which lot I had parked in, and it was waaaaays and ways away from where I was talking on the phone, so all I could offer was my best guess. They were dispatching, and realized, shit, I didn't tell them where I was calling from and they'll come to the car and not find me there and STRAND me, so I RAN back across campus and back to the car, where I waited about half an hour in the blazing, evil sun. It actually hasn't been bad today weather-wise (81 degrees as we speak!), but fretting and running all over campus had made me pretty miserable, so having the sun beat down on me wasn't helping things. I was considering calling AAA at this point though I couldn't figure how in the world they could get a tow truck through the low-rise garage, but I eventually decided to go back and call for the campus police again. I didn't really feel like going a huge distance again to the Welcome Center, so I opted for the Albright Health Center, which was much shorter to walk to. Lady there was willing to let me use the phone, and apparently the people could not find my car, looking in pretty much every parking lot except the one I was actually in. @_@ So I finally got them to come to the right place, and the police guy gave my car a jolt and was able to calm my nerves by pointing out that it was a very minor ordeal; the battery cables had become loose or something. But at least it wasn't something costly that I needed replaced. Since I was set to leave my car at an auto place tomorrow anyway (to fix my light situation), I went ahead and left it there today since I'm a teensy bit paranoid now. So now it's just a matter of getting to school for tomorrow, and I think at least Grandma can cover that. I can get back home on my own through the #11 bus. Scary as this all was, I came home half-expecting the computer to be dead on me again, but it's still running as usual as we speak! So I'll just keep my fingers crossed. @_@; So yeah. I'm like... dead. At least there's good food for me to enjoy here~ and I had free pizza, like wow. That's the first time I remember NKU giving out free food outside of art gallery festivities... gawwh. The one good thing about being an Art major... XD Free party food (AND Coca-Cola, hawhaw!). Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Final Fantasy IV - The Dreadful Fight (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 17th, 2006
7:26 pm	RAPE TIME! A rape party larger than life... School resumes Monday for me. I had an interview yesterday for a very cozy and conveniently-located secretarial job that pays 9 bucks an hour. Unfortunately, it's in a church. But the ladies seemed to like me well enough. Hopefully when they call me tomorrow, it's with good news. @_@ Job job job job. Went to get my hair cut today. It feels nice to not have half of that dark, thick blanket of hair covering me up and making me sweaty and miserable. XD Now my ponytail's all short and bobbish. Very cute. Yeah, I actually am attempting to write a novelization of the crazy WWE/Legend of Zelda crossover now. XD It's going along hilariously. Hooboy. What a time to start driving. Since there's a new building being made on campus, they saw it fit to demolish about three parking lots, which is horrible considering how hard it is to find places to park already. The parking pass fee increased like fifty bucks since last semester and now people might not even have a place to park. @_@ Logic? Where are yooouu? Ohhh, probe_the_loony just had to get me all into Who Wants To Be A Superhero?. XD; And my favorite guy (Ty'Veculus) is already eliminated for the shittiest reason ever. Lumeria's a stupid bitch. Major Victory will probably win, which is a little meh. He's alright, the past-of-a-male-stripper thing would be AWESOME to implement in a comic book, though at this point I'd probably prefer Creature winning. XD FAT MOMMA would've been a hilarious win, but it's all too obvious she'll be eliminated tonight. Wagh. Stupid reality shows. They make me anxious in that not-good way. XD; Kinda like scary movies in that respect. Yeah, spam. Also... Tales of the Abyss. Hearing conflicting reports on when it'll be released here. But you know what the Japanese have done to me? They already have me shipping stuff. Current running favorite is a foursome, actually. Anise/Ion/Synch/Arietta in any mix-n-match couple possible. I'm so awful~. Current Mood: hot Current Music: Peter Gabriel - Big Time (Comment on this)
Friday, August 11th, 2006
6:11 am	My mood hasn't plateaued in a while, I think. Well, Nicole's getting married on Saturday. Today, I decided to... drop out of attending the whole thing. No day-before party, no wedding, no reception, no nothing. I've been racking my brain all this week, trying to think of how I could conceivably act civil for two days straight. After considering these facts: I hate parties, I hate weddings, I'll be spending two nights at this stranger's house, I'm against the whole idea of this wedding for several reasons, it's a walking disaster to my day/night sleep schedule, and there's no internet or object of entertainment to my liking to hide with for this duration of time. There's no denying it; I'll be completely miserable there. I could deal with being miserable, except for the fact that it'll make me take out my frustrations on other people after that amount of time, and I have no business doing that on my childhood friend's wedding day. It's not about me, it's about her. But I'm too self-centered to let that slide when there's SO many anti-me elements to this whole event. It's like throwing me in a freezer and expecting me not to bitch about it before I freeze to death. @_@ It's also kind of a risk, since my mother is also going and SHE intends to have a blast. Mother's my polar opposite: social butterfly, holding back on her true feelings when needed, and lover of the parties. If I even act the slightest bit displeased over these two days, and I'm sure I will, she'll throw a fit and probably throw me out of the house by the time all's said and done. X_X She's already been pretty freaky lately... she's been drunk like almost every day off wine, which normally she rarely drinks and has been bitching at me an awful lot lately... so I'm beginning to think she's drinking habitually just to have the ability to ignore me (even if I don't try to bother her). She's also openly talking about her (lack of a) sex life to me, and of course... you know, I don't want to hear about in any capacity. It's hard to explain why fandom porn amuses me so much but it outright disgusts me in the context of people I actually know and real life in general. But my mom also dared to go low and ridaculed me for having this everlasting lack of interest in any kind of partner, boy or girl. She seriously finds me a freak for not wanting to date or marry anybody, and that really hurts to hear that kind of thing from her. It hurts me whenever she tries to push me into trying to date/marry any of my actual friends, because it makes me SICK to think of myself that way. I'm really beginning to hate being around her again. It's another hopeless-feeling situation where I could do anything she asks of me and she'll still be the same miserable person she's always been. And she'll still take it out on me, which in turn makes me miserable. But me not going to the wedding and her going... that'll give me a couple of days away from her. So I guess that's another legit reason, though it's a stretch... Anyway, as probe_the_loony suggested to me, I'm trying to write Nicole a letter. If I can't be there for her in person, at least she can have some kind of verbal assurance that she has my support... in some way, shape or form. But even that's hard because I can't be honest in the letter. If her fiance ever finds that, it might stir up some serious shit and then it'd be all my fault. So the most I can do is provide a false presence with a bunch of optimistic positive goodwill that isn't even close to being what I honestly feel. ... in general, there isn't much to feel good about lately. My childhood best friend is getting married off when she just turned 20 last month, and I may never see her again. My mother hates me because she can't relate to me about anything and would be much happier to see me kicked to the curb. My dad's turning 47 this month and I still hardly ever see him. School's starting back in 10 days. Getting a job sucks. Free time will be dwindling to nothing, and money troubles are on the rise. I still can't get by without crying over every little thing. So I don't want to have kids, ever. So I don't want to get married, ever. So I don't even want to date anybody, ever. That doesn't make me a bad person, does it? I'm so quick to doubt myself these days... Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 20th, 2006
4:01 pm	Haha, it's been a while. Wellllll, I did go over a month without my computer... not that I couldn't manage, and I had spare computers to keep up on things, but I was under a load of mental stress and trauma and couldn't be bothered to keep up with EVERYTHING. XD; But I'm back now. Hopefully I'm stable this time. Um, real life? Meh. It's getting pretty tiring applying to all of these jobs and never getting a word back. @_@ Outside of that and upkeeping house maitnenence, I'm still trying to catch up with my fantasy life by coloring all of the pictures I made during my computerless period. I also have to start prepping for writing again, since I made the promise to give saphofelis a rad fanfic for her birthday. XD Which is tomorrow, oh my! Another friend reaching the lovely age of 20 this year. How terrible it is! My mom wants me to apply at Channel 9 now. XD Which wouldn't be bad, I suppose. She's telling me to drag hibari into that business too, ahaha... Anyway, ughghghgh.... July is like the shortest month of the year, it feels like. It always goes by so goddamn fast. @_@ Current Mood: blah Current Music: Saliva - King of My World (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 27th, 2006
6:20 am	That'sa so nice! I had no plans whatsoever to go see X3, but went anyway when my friends invited me. XD I didn't mind it, but then again, I only saw a chunk of the first movie and none of the second. Thankfully digging back into my memory of when I watched X-Men Evolution like, RELIGIOUSLY, I was able to keep a grasp on things. Mostly like how I oddly adore Kitty even though she was a total valley girl in the cartoon, but she rocked in the movie. It takes balls to call THE JUGGERNAUT a dickhead! Oh, and Juggernaut's line was the high point of the movie (in terms of audience response!), only rivaled by the instance in the previews where SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE showed up. XD Also, Phoenix!Jean is a total whore but was oddly more interesting and less sucky. Scott sucked too. NIGHTCRAWLER WASN'T FUCKING THERE. WHAT THE FUCK. HE'S MY FAVORITE CHARACTER BECAUSE HE WAS SO GODDAMN ADORABLE IN EVOLUTION. I WILL MAKE KURT ICONS TO EASE MY PAIN. SERIOUSLY. No Gambit either. ._. Though Wolverine was really good. Very.... proud. XD He totally came so close to tapping some Phoenix ass while Cyclops was ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE. HAHAHA. Nice getting to see Maggie again too~ I do miss chatting with her. XD We always seemed like the pragmatic-yet-scary ones of the group. Plus she shares my love of overly-buttery, overly-salted popcorn. ♥! Oh, and parallel-parking several times over and over? It hurts like hell. My hands were numb for the rest of that day and now my fingers are starting to cramp up everytime I type. Stupid driving. @_@ Oh, god. It's 6 AM. It's Saturday morning and Magical DoReMi will be on in two hours. I haven't watched it in ages (mostly due to stress + school + grandpa + moving + vampire schedule no-worky in the winter/spring) and probably should, if only because I have nothing else worthy of filling the last 28 minutes on my blank DVD. ^^; They've gotten up to upgrading their porons, though, so that must mean ONPU is soon in coming and I canNOT miss that. .... I GUESS I can stay up until 9 AM. What the fuck. I'll be asleep until 3/4 PM no matter when I get to sleep. @_@ Maybe I need that night-breathing machine or whatever my dad has now. He's only been able to sleep for 3 hours at a time. But if I don't watch Doremi, I'll regret it when I wake up later and realize that there's only SHIT being played for Saturday night because it looks like Bobobo has been dropped from Toonami. .... candles are great. If I could get into a profession where all I do is use my keen senses of smell to CREATE CANDLE SCENTS, my life would be so freaking awesome. God, I miss the good ol' days when Beyblade and/or Digimon would keep me up oh-so willingly until 9 AM and I would be ranting caffinatedly about the Juggernaut, bitch. Now I'm old and 6 AM drives me loopy and I can't sleep and I hate children. And Naruto. My hatred of children is probably why I hate Naruto because 98% of the characters are basically those unlovable punks who deserve to get their asses kicked. XD; I'm already at the fucking last castle in New Super Mario Bros. My favorite part about this game is how the enemies dance to the beat of the music. XD It flips my lid every time a Goomba starts hopping all of a sudden, keeping time with the cues. I feel mentally unstable. So that's all for today. XD Current Mood: awake (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
11:31 pm	I mean, come ON. Well, I hope I still have... SOME money left. I have a year's paid account + 100 icon-space. Still aiming for getting a liscense within the next couple of weeks, then job, then sadness of having said job. But I probably need it, seeing as the summer vacation has settled in and has started to paralyze me in the brain. XD; I've been waking up at 3/4/almost 5 PM consistently, now. I'm usually in bed before 7 AM, except lately it's taken me more than an hour to actually fall asleep once I'm in bed. My dreams have been pretty bad lately, and not bad in the funny way either, so... I don't know. I usually feel like a mess these days. @_@ As per usual every summer. It's pretty sad. I'm not happy being insanely busy and I'm not really doing anything useful when I've got all the free time in the world. Except I hate losing free time. I've gotten too used to abusing it and going my thing when it 'feels' right. X_x; Why oh why must I possess so much guilt~? I added more to my WWE mood theme. I'll probably blow time on filling some icon slots since I'd be damned to, um, use anything but my own stuff because I've got pride issues. XD Ohh, I'm every bit my father... though I have a feeling his visiting is going to do me a world of good. I've felt like I needed to see him since grandpa died, since I had to watch my mom's entire reaction to losing her dad, and it forcefully made me realize that it'll be me in that position one day. Even though I barely see my dad anymore, it's still traumatic to think about. That's probably why I've had trouble sleeping, really. @_@ I really should just play The Sims. If I waste my life enough on that, I'll eventually hate myself and consequently force myself to be productive somehow. XD Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Monday, May 15th, 2006
1:48 am	As I listen to old cartoon music and recall watching a portion of Boomerang at the Cincinnati Bell store in the mall yesterday while waiting for hibari get her new phone, I realized how much I actually miss getting to watch those old cartoons on a regular basis. XD I've been apart from them for so long that I actually miss their reruns since I've had so much of the new shit battered down on me as of late. Now I'm actually taking a notion to change the channel from Cartoon Network to Nickelodeon again (until it gets to their shitty new live action shows) to refresh on THEIR monotonous reruns, and VERY recently I'm actually tuning into FX to watch King of the Hill, which I swear I've never ever watched before. @_@ Even if a lot of the old Hanna-Barbera stuff was crap that copied off actual successful Hanna-Barbera shows (I could name at least four Scooby-Doo clones off the top of my head, and I watched a Wacky Races ripoff that had a bastardized Dick Dastardly + Muttley and everything at the store yesterday), they seem fresh again now. XD And something else I realized is that the old cartoons look like shit on an HDTV. They're all pixelated and everything. And it's because of every HDTV-owning bastard (all six of you) that Sony and Microsoft are like "z0mg let's cater ONLY TO THEM SO THAT GIVES US AN EXCUSE TO CHARGE THEM UP THE ASSHOLE WITH OUR 7TH GENERATION CONSOLES!!1". Both of those companies can blow me. Though I will applaud Microsoft for admitting the truth about the price ordeal. XD Wii is winning the console penis-rivalry game as far as I'm concerned. Because OH MY GOD. New Super Mario Bros. is coming out Tuesday. I'LL HAVE IT. Super Mario Galaxy? Yes. Super Smash Bros. Brawl? Hell yes. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attourney: Justice For All? Yesssssssss. WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007? Yupyup. Diddy Kong Racing DS? YEEEEEEEEE Yoshi's Island 2? HAHAHAAAAAA YEAH Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess? NEED YOU ASK? Sonic Wild Fire? Uh-huh. Trauma Center: Second Opinion? Possibly. XD (The first game was too hard for me to beat, but dude, PERFORMING SURGERY WII STYLE....) Mario Hoops 3 on 3? Even THAT looks fun~ If they ever made another game like Nintendogs (like a version with KITTENS or something), my mind would officially implode upon itself. I still have Tales of the Abyss to look forward to~ (pleasepleaseplease don't release it close to Zelda's release daaaaate) I'm kind of sad because it's hard for me to post anything on my GreatestJournal anymore. XD Only idiots stalk me there outside of the people I already know. It's kinda sad. Oh well. Back to Bobobo-art raiding! (I have the awesomest idea for a picture now...) Current Mood: nostalgic (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 11th, 2006
5:38 am	Meh. ( Personality Disorder Test and whatnot ) It's terribly inconvenient for me to be held back because of various events. My dad's car broke down, so I still have to wait for his visit. My great-uncle Joe and great-aunt Brenda came all the way from California in a motorhome to visit for a few days (Joe was visiting previously for a couple of weeks in March to see grandpa before he died - in fact, grandpa died in Joe's arms on that fateful day), so that has grandma all riled up and she hasn't taken me out driving at all, and probably won't until next week. So my job hunt is still at an irritating halt. I'm trying to get the house cleaned up so I can dig out the shit I've been meaning to sell so I can make some money on the interrim, but it's slow going when my mom barely helps me. @_@ And then she yells at me when she comes home to find me liscense-less and job-less and it's not even completely my fault. Bleh. I really wish I didn't have to get a job, but if I keep pushing it back, it'll push my mother closer and closer to the breaking point and suddenly she'll toss me out of the third-story window. I still have to call and make appointments so I can get my acne medication refilled (T_T Seriously, I'm 20 years old... isn't this shit supposed to end at some point?) and also get my new number known to my orthodontist because I have an appointment next week, but since they last-minute rescheduled me just before I moved, I forgot what day my new appointment is on now. @_@ Nicole's officially getting married in August. I have to attend and somehow not slip out any "YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE - HOW IDIOTIC CAN A 19-YEAR OLD BE TO WANT TO MARRY A MIDDLE-EASTERN 30-SOMETHINGYEAROLD CAR SALESMAN?" slurs. Seriously. I feel like a bad friend for simply being on the sidelines and letting this travesty happen. And the fact that he's merely of Middle Eastern descent doesn't bother me; the fact that he's hinted that he's going to force his culture on my Methodist friend for the rest of her natural life, i.e. confine her to the house, leave her home of Monticello forever and ever, and should she ever retaliate, he'll steal away their inevitable children and RUN LIKE MAD. I REALLY REALLY want to protest it, but everyone feels like I have no right to because it's inappropriate and because of my move to northern Kentucky, I haven't hung out with Nicole on a regular basis for many years, so I guess I can't really call myself her best friend anymore. ._. But I've known Nicole for a long time and she consistently makes these kinds of mistakes; having the most awful taste in men and having ridiculously bad judgment. Even when we were kids, I could tell from a mile away that the boys she dated were total scum, and it was only a matter of time before Nicole saw that too and bawled at me about how I was right all along and how she should've listened to me. My mom says I have no right to judge anything since I've never dated before and still haven't done so today, but I don't think I need to DATE a guy to know he's an utter and complete douchebag. It's her wedding, though. If she's gone through with that point, no amount of my logic is going to get through to her anyway, so I really have no choice but to stand there and watch her make the costliest mistake of her life. @_@ It just pisses me off because it's so OBVIOUS. How can I NOT say something about it? I'm too honest to settle for that "Good luck! I'm happy for you! Really! ^_^;;;" bullshit. I'm NOT happy for her because it's so blatantly obvious that it's going to be a disasterous life choice in the long run and when it's all said and done, Nicole will look back on that wedding not-so fondly as she thought she would, and then she'll probably ask me "Why didn't you stop me, Whitney? You're smart, so why didn't you tell me this was all a mistake?" and I'll be like "GAHHHHHHH". I'm never getting married. Never ever ever. It's so fucking lame. @_@ Weddings are lame in general. It's long, drawn-out, overly-gaudy, and boring. The wedding cakes don't taste nearly as good as normal cake. Unless the couple has some real money to blow, the parties are lame, too. Hell, I'll probably never ever date, either. The whole concept of dating and boyfriend/girlfriend diddly-daddling is so inane, especially for people my age and younger. It's MEANINGLESS and it's just plain embarrassing in public. Holding hands... I laugh at it because it looks too gushy to be taken seriously. Hugging is just spew. Kissing looks absolutely disgusting. I hate it when I pass by couples and they make sure to kiss just before I can leave the vicinity so I have no choice but to hear that revolting sound of their lips sucking on each other. It's like they know I can't stand that codependant, hormonal BS and they want to rub it in my face. See, I wouldn't be so moody over this if it wasn't around me, constantly. It's like a year-long mosquito bite. The more I scratch it, trying to eliminate it from my daily life, the more nauseating and overbearing it becomes. I'm never having kids. Fuck kids. I'M the future and they can all bow down to my superiority as I languish in all the extra money I'll have for deciding not to have kids. Yeah, that's about the size of what my mental state is like at 5 in the morning. XD Take that as you will. Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 13th, 2006
11:56 pm	It's only a matter of tiiime~ Well, my mother and I have already hauled two vanfuls of junk to the new condo today, and a lot more will be transferred over tomorrow and the weekend. The movers won't be coming to get the really big stuff until Wednesday, which hopefully, at least, should buy some time for my mom to put in some new carpet before the big stuff gets there. Anyway, it's all pretty much underway and my mom's somehow confident that by tomorrow we'll have everything except the really big stuff moved over. I guess it helps that I only have one class tomorrow... I just really wish my grandma and uncle would focus a little more on helping me get my driver's liscense than my cousin. ._. It's not like he's in school, and his potential job isn't even a sure thing yet. Then again, it's become painfully obvious to me that my mother and I, as far as the Morehead family is concerned, will always be a lower-priority concern compared to my uncle and cousins. I'm sure religion has a lot to do with that, as well as the fact that Glen is just as bad as my dad's-side cousins in regards to pretty much having a second home with the grandparents. Sure, I'll be coming over to visit grandma a lot more than I used to soon, but that's because it's pretty much necessary at this point, since grandma still has a ways to go yet to easing into a life without grandpa. She was married to him for over 52 years, you know? I don't think there really is a clear answer to how to manage life alone when you lose someone like that. It's still a very sad situation, but at least things have mellowed out by now. It's weird, though... animals always have that weird intuition and they'll always know when something's wrong and it'll cause them to behave differently. Sneaky, for example, used to always make a beeline for my grandparents' bed whenever I let him in the house. It drove grandma up the wall and Sneaky always managed to reach that point without fail, but lately, he hasn't been interested in the bed when I let him in. He'll go upstairs (where the bed is), but he hasn't laid on the bed in quite a while. He's just lurking around from room to room upstairs and eventually comes back down. I think Sneaky's still looking for grandpa. It's not entirely surprising; my mom would always tell me how Sneaky does the same thing whenever I leave even for a couple of days at a friend's house. Still, it's kind of amazing how intuitive pets can be. I have to remind myself that Sneaky's getting up there in years as well (he's in the 12-13 vicinity), and I know when he goes, I'm going to be miserable for a long, long time. But... if he continues being as healthy as he currently is, then I may still have a few years yet before I really have to start worrying about him. Still, the original point is that my cousin Glen has been sponging off my grandparents for ages with no real signs of stopping, and it's just kind of irritating to see someone even more useless than me get all of the benefits. I still have to wonder and debate how the hell I'm going to get to school for the next three weeks, and I wouldn't have to if my mom's side of the family knew how to bloody prioritize without bias. @_@ My dad called this week, which felt nice. It's weird how good it'll make me feel when he makes contact with me, despite the fact that he owes me so much it's not nearly funny (that and the fact that he's not really been that much of a father for me). He's aiming to come up and visit once we're settled into the condo, and since his job is branching out into the northern Kentucky area, he may have a stable place to stay during his visit, which may be just what I need in order to get off on the right foot once school ends. Him landing me a job would be very nice, and I really do hope he gets his bar liscense back. Apparently he's confident he'll be back on a six-figure salary in no time. XD; I'll have to show him the papers I got from my career counselling this week, which had some interesting things regarding how my personality may lead me into some kind of direction in my career life. I took four different surveys; the personality one did the most for me, I think. Apparently my ideal career lies somewhere in the pure science (physical, life, and social), engineering, medicine, computer systems, or law fields. It seems my personality type constantly has to make sense of things and understand the world in an honest way.... iiiit makes sense. :D Maybe. Well, I hope summer opens up with all positive aspects. Still my biggest concern is math (as I had another "Oh god I'm never going to understand/pass this bullshit" breakdown today), otherwise... I guess it's just a matter of making a career for myself so I can have that beautiful flowing income again. @_@ Better enjoy the surplus free time while I still can, I guess... Yeah, I already hate being 20. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Gyakuten Saiban 3 - Tenryuusai Ellis ~ Simple Melody (Comment on this)